Pity him, the former
Enfant terrible,
His career in aspic,
Bent on pleasure,
Gamely attempting
The tricky transition
From ageing outrage
To national treasure

"gimme a bandwagon and i'll jump on it!
A drum to bang and i'll thump on it!
Criticism and i'll dump on it!
If you don't like it you'll be lumpin' it!"

He won't rest while there are
Cameras around
He'll start a quarrel
For the moral high-ground
It's not enough to win a brace of top awards
He won't be happy till he's in the house of lords

"gimme a bandwagon and i'll jump on it!
A drum to bang and i'll thump on it!
Criticism and i'll dump on it!
If you don't like it you'll be lumpin' it!"

At self-promotion he's a master
Although the midweek's a disaster
They used to fix things so much easier
The good old days were fun and sleazier

Pity him, the former
Enfant terrible,
His career in aspic,
Bent on pleasure,
Gamely attempting
The tricky transition
From ageing outrage
To national treasure